Minimum Requirements For "Ranching?"

  1. A wide-brimmed hat, one pair of tight pants and $20 boots from a discount house.
  2. At least two head of livestock, preferably cattle - one male, one female.
  3. A new air-conditioned pickup with automatic transmission, power steering and trailer hitch.
  4. A gun rack for the rear window of the pickup, big enough to hold a walking stick and rope.
  5. Two dogs to ride in the bed of the pickup truck.
  6. A $40 horse and $300 saddle.
  7. A gooseneck trailer, small enough to park in front of a cafe.
  8. A little place to keep the cows, on land too poor to grow crops.
  9. A spool of barbed wire, three cedar posts and a bale of prairie hay to haul around in the truck all day.
  10. Credit at the bank.
  11. Credit at the feed store.
  12. Credit from your father-in-law.
  13. A good neighbor to feed the dogs and cattle whenever the owner is out in Colorado fishing or hunting.
  14. A pair of silver spurs to wear to barbecues.
  15. A rubber cushion to sit on for four hours at the auction ring every Thursday.
  16. A second-hand car for going out to feed the cows when your son-in-law borrows the pickup.
  17. A good pocket knife, suitable for whittling to pass away the time at the auction ring.
  18. A good wife who won't get upset when you walk across the living room carpet with manure on your boots.
  19. A good wife who will believe you when you come in at 11 p.m., saying "I've been fixing the fence."
  20. A good wife with a good full-time job at the courthouse.